It's Friday And They Don't Send Flowers Anymore
Itís Friday and they donít send flowers anymore. There is no opening in this door:
just a punched hole of perspex, warm and smoky against my cheek.† I see...
A void of chequered floor, an empty corridor, no-one allowed to visit anymore.
No more tripping of days in a blind haze of city streets, high on the secretions
of forbidden adrenal glands.† No more soft-centred clapping of hands.†
No more passes for the day.† And all for my own good, they say.
†Would that I were past caring: past wanting to share in the mad rambling circus
of life... would that I could resign to a life confined: would that I could endure,
but their pharmacology cannot affect a cure.
Yesterday, I ran helter-skelter, naked as a baby, all the way down the high street:
handing out fistfuls of fivers to any woman I saw with sad brown eyes:
any woman who looked like you.
I am burning my wings, my beautiful angel wings.† The flames are carmine,
scarlet, vermilion and crimson: hot as painted canvas; raw and violent
as unreciprocated dreams.†
There are shadows within the shadows.† The ward is filled with shadows;
and I am kept awake thruí the pre-dawn hours.† The lithium, they say, is ineffectual.†
I am unresolved: their science, a library of undifferentiated symbols.
I cannot sleep.† The blood rubs rough against the thin walls of my arteries: a skein
of chemicals, devoid of volition, simmering in a gurgle of de-oxygenated agitation.
I smoke too many cigarettes.† The nicotine clogs up, but does not dissolve,
the acid salts beneath this skin.† I am too thin: these protruding bones,
a too prominent intimation of my mortality.
Autumn winds blow rusted leaves past the ward windows.† Pensioner women wear
poppies and think about dead lovers.† And every time I close my eyes I see your face.
There is too much time for remembrance: not enough television to confuse
the senses.† I hear a sad trumpet.† The queen lays down a wreathe
in the blue flickering light.† Summer is a closed door.†
Itís Friday... and they donít send flowers anymore.
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